Sunday, May 30, 2010

the year in quotes

For those of you who missed them, things my kids (who are FOUR today!!!) said (way back when they were three) that made me laugh.


After a standoff. ALEPH: How do I break you? EEMA: What?? ALEPH: I want to know how to break you. EEMA: Why do you want to know that? ALEPH: I need to know how you're made. So I know how to break you.

BET [hands fisted and nostrils flared]: Is it okay if we never go to sleep EVER AGAIN??

ALEPH: If you let me give you zorberts without tickling me, I will let you tickle me tomorrow. Is that a good deal?

ALEPH: Well, I think I almost know everything.

BET [talking to himself in bed]: Sesame Street is a... production of the... Children's Television Workshop.

ALEPH: [singing] seventeen eighteen nineteen, but can I tell you something there's no tenteen, is there I don't think so

BET: [clutching my neck] No don't go, I don't want you to go, you can't leave me!! EEMA: You know what? If you say goodbye nicely, you can watch a video. BET: [tiny pause] Bye.

LANCE: Aleph, you're not cooperating. ALEPH: I'm not so good at cooperating. LANCE: Well, maybe you need to practice. That's how you learn. ALEPH: That's one way of learning. Can you think of another way?

BET plays a game all school break called "sorry, I have to leeeeeeeave you now!" He instructs me to "be sad until I come back."

ALEPH [at midnight, loudly, to sound-asleep roommate]: Bet, I'm just gonna go someplace! If you want to come with me, you can.

ALEPH [self-talk at the childproof fire escape gate]: Ohhhhh IgetitIgetitIgetit, you just open this right here. [pause] That doesn't work. Ohhhhh IseeIseeIsee, you can't open it.

ALEPH: Why can't I see the planets? EEMA: Well, you can only see them at nighttime. ALEPH: But why can't I see them big? EEMA: Oh! You can only see them big with a telescope. Or a spaceship. ALEPH: Well, do we have any telescopes? EEMA: No. ALEPH: ...spaceships?

EEMA [after one too many "are we there yet?"s]: Bet, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. LANCE: Dude. BET: Toad.

BET: You have ten train cars and I only have five. I need one of yours. [Aleph gives him a car.] BET: I need one more. ALEPH: [sigh] Bet, I can't keep giving you cars. Every time I give you a car, you ask me for another one.

BET: I want a banana. EEMA: [brings banana] BET: This banana has a brown spot. EEMA: [cuts out brown spot] BET: This banana has a hole in it.

Reading a story where someone has a big secret. ALEPH: My biggest secret is I love you. BET: My biggest secret is a monkey.

ALEPH: Here's a present, Eema! [brings over new toy box] EEMA: Thanks! What is it? ALEPH: Oh wait. [peers at the 2+ age warning] Looks like it says... 'Not for Eemas'. Sorry.

ALEPH [lotioned, conditioned, & stark naked]: Now I'm absolutely the way I want to be!

A bedtime story. LANCE: One day Aleph & Bet went to a sandwich shop. ALEPH [interjecting]: And then Aleph said, is your sandwich made in a nutfree 'acility? LANCE [slightly stunned]: Uh... I don't know. ALEPH: Well then I cannot eat it.

BET: Aleph, I hurt myself. Can you kiss me? ALEPH: *mwah!* EEMA: [keels over in dead faint]

Videochat with me while I'm in Israel: ALEPH: It would have been nicer if you took us with you.

Propping up Bet's elevated track with 4 blocks. BET: No, two! I want two!! EEMA: I think it really needs four. BET: No, twoooooooooooo! EEMA: Okay, then just take 2 out and you'll have 2 left. But it might fall down if you do that. BET: I think it's better if I sit on your lap and think about it for a little while.

ALEPH: Eema, sing a song about Thomas and a cow. EEMA: Uhhhh, I don't know that song. ALEPH: Well, just make it up! EEMA: I don't really know how to make up songs. ALEPH: Eema, let me tell you about making up a song. You just sit down quietly, and *think* about it, and then... you sing it.

ALEPH: [punches numbers on calculator, then holds it out]: I love you this much, Eema.

ALEPH: Eema, when I'm a grownup I still might not want to put my pants on by myself. EEMA: [snarfle] Really? Huh. So who's going to do that for you? ALEPH: Well, I think you might find me a nice girl to marry. EEMA: You don't think you want to do that part yourself, either? ALEPH: No.

ALEPH [in robot pajamas]: My name is John. And I am a They Might Be Giant.

ALEPH: Knock knock. EEMA: Who's there? ALEPH: Aleph. EEMA: Aleph who? ALEPH: Aren't you glad I didn't say Bet?

ALEPH: My mouth feels itchy. EEMA: It does? Did it start before you ate the strawberries, or after? ALEPH: I just love that itching medicine so much. I want to know when I can have some more.

BET: really wear me out. EEMA: (whoops with laughter) (recovers) Who says that, Bet? BET: Olivia's mother.

overheard [in robot voices]: ALEPH: BET:

ALEPH: Abba, you never let me do ANYTHING I WANT with Eema in the middle of the night!

BET: Eema, don't look at what I'm doing. [carefully pours water into the salt shaker]


Happy birthday, funny boys. I love you.


projgen said...

Oh, lordy, I had to read these all out to Hubby, who kept saying, "HOW old are these kids??"

I am so glad I finished my cocktail before I read this, or I'd have very watered down scotch all over my laptop. btw, Aleph, that's how you break a laptop.

Happy Birthday to a couple of utterly amazing angels. I guess it's a good thing they drive you crazy occasionally, otherwise, you'd be laughing to hard to ever get anything done :)

Lut C. said...

happy birthday to your boys!

They sound absolutely precious!

Cass said...

This is the best year-in-review ever! I love this!

OneTiredEma said...

They are all great, but the banana was CLASSIC!

Same Nice Person said...

Mazel tov! Clever, sweet boys.

WriterGrrl said...

That was awesome. Thank you for starting my Tuesday/Monday off right.

Madeleine said...

Happy belated birthday to the boys! These are all incredibly funny, but the one that made me laugh really hard was "My biggest secret is a monkey."

Congratulations on raising two very fine human beans.

caramama said...

Happy Birthday to your boys!

I can't even pick a favorite, they were all so funny.

Anonymous said...

That was really funny. Your kids sound really cute.

amberr. said...

What your kids said left me smiling :D so cute.