Saturday, August 22, 2009

is there anything you boys want to tell me?

part 1

Scene: Bet takes a book to bed for naptime, flips through a few pages, and realizes he can't tell this story to himself. He starts to cry.

BET: Eema, I need a different book!

EEMA: I'm sorry Bet, you can't come out for another one. It's naptime, you need to stay in your bed.

BET: But I don't knoooooow this story!

EEMA: I know, honey. It's okay. You can look at the pictures.

BET: But Eeeeeeeeeema! I can't read the WOOOOOORDS!

part 2

Scene: Aleph is playing with his new Playmobil fireman.

ALEPH: Eema, I think you're wrong. It's not a fireman, it's a firewoman.

EEMA: [looks more closely] Hey, I think you're right. How did you know that?

ALEPH: Because it says so on the box!

EEMA: Uh... what!?!

ALEPH: See? [points to picture on box]

EEMA: Oh. [phew!] But how did you know from the picture?

ALEPH: [points to chin-length bob] Because it's a hair of the woman.

EEMA: Ah. Because it's a hair of the woman. I see.

[and then, just when I relax]

ALEPH: But I think the box needs a W for woman.

Friday, August 21, 2009

necessity is the toddler of invention

We've had quite a time getting the boys to stay in bed at nap & bedtime, since they figured out our weak spot: toilet training. I am tired. Lance is tired. The boys MUST be tired, because they're sure doing a whole lot less sleeping.

EEMA: Okay, does everyone remember the new rule? Your potty is next to your bed. Don't come out to get me unless you pooped and you need help wiping. If you need to pee, you can do that by yourself.

ALEPH: [opens door first time] I need help wiping.

EEMA: Did you poop?

ALEPH: No, just peed, but I need help wiping my pee. [NOTE: It would never otherwise occur to him to do this.]

EEMA: Here's a tissue; you can do it yourself.

ALEPH: [opens door ten seconds later] I peed again, so I need another tissue.

EEMA: [Why didn't I see this coming?] Okay. Here's another one, and I'm giving you the box to take with you.

ALEPH: [opens door ten seconds after that] I need a garbage can to put my tissues in.

Monday, August 10, 2009

shhhhhhhhh, fool. you're giving away the PLAN

Scene: Après standoff with small fry.

ALEPH: How do I break you?

EEMA: What?!

ALEPH: I want to know how to break you.

EEMA: Why do you want to know that?

ALEPH: I need to know how you're made. So I know how to break you.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

insert joke here*

LANCE: Aleph, you're not cooperating.

ALEPH: Well, cooperating is not my best thing.

*...self-knowledge: check

...but i AM very good at bossing!

...and you're not really lighting my profile right, either


Scene: New game across the breakfast table.

BET: [shoots fist out toward Aleph] HIT YOU pretend!

ALEPH: [shoots fist out toward Bet] HIT YOU pretend!


Might need to get these children karate lessons. Or at least a punching bag.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

am srsly reconsidering this toilet training hype

after being wakened at 4 AM by a small frantic apparition at bedside saying "I need to pee! I need to PEE!" with the monitor simultaneously shrieking, "wait! where did you GO??"