For those of you who missed them, things my kids (who are FOUR today!!!) said (way back when they were three) that made me laugh.
After a standoff. ALEPH: How do I break you? EEMA: What?? ALEPH: I want to know how to break you. EEMA: Why do you want to know that? ALEPH: I need to know how you're made. So I know how to break you.
BET [hands fisted and nostrils flared]: Is it okay if we never go to sleep EVER AGAIN??
ALEPH: If you let me give you zorberts without tickling me, I will let you tickle me tomorrow. Is that a good deal?
ALEPH: Well, I think I almost know everything.
BET [talking to himself in bed]: Sesame Street is a... production of the... Children's Television Workshop.
ALEPH: [singing] seventeen eighteen nineteen, but can I tell you something there's no tenteen, is there I don't think so
BET: [clutching my neck] No don't go, I don't want you to go, you can't leave me!! EEMA: You know what? If you say goodbye nicely, you can watch a video. BET: [tiny pause] Bye.
LANCE: Aleph, you're not cooperating. ALEPH: I'm not so good at cooperating. LANCE: Well, maybe you need to practice. That's how you learn. ALEPH: That's one way of learning. Can you think of another way?
BET plays a game all school break called "sorry, I have to leeeeeeeave you now!" He instructs me to "be sad until I come back."
ALEPH [at midnight, loudly, to sound-asleep roommate]: Bet, I'm just gonna go someplace! If you want to come with me, you can.
ALEPH [self-talk at the childproof fire escape gate]: Ohhhhh IgetitIgetitIgetit, you just open this right here. [pause] That doesn't work. Ohhhhh IseeIseeIsee, you can't open it.
ALEPH: Why can't I see the planets? EEMA: Well, you can only see them at nighttime. ALEPH: But why can't I see them big? EEMA: Oh! You can only see them big with a telescope. Or a spaceship. ALEPH: Well, do we have any telescopes? EEMA: No. ALEPH: ...spaceships?
EEMA [after one too many "are we there yet?"s]: Bet, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. LANCE: Dude. BET: Toad.
BET: You have ten train cars and I only have five. I need one of yours. [Aleph gives him a car.] BET: I need one more. ALEPH: [sigh] Bet, I can't keep giving you cars. Every time I give you a car, you ask me for another one.
BET: I want a banana. EEMA: [brings banana] BET: This banana has a brown spot. EEMA: [cuts out brown spot] BET: This banana has a hole in it.
Reading a story where someone has a big secret. ALEPH: My biggest secret is I love you. BET: My biggest secret is a monkey.
ALEPH: Here's a present, Eema! [brings over new toy box] EEMA: Thanks! What is it? ALEPH: Oh wait. [peers at the 2+ age warning] Looks like it says... 'Not for Eemas'. Sorry.
ALEPH [lotioned, conditioned, & stark naked]: Now I'm absolutely the way I want to be!
A bedtime story. LANCE: One day Aleph & Bet went to a sandwich shop. ALEPH [interjecting]: And then Aleph said, is your sandwich made in a nutfree 'acility? LANCE [slightly stunned]: Uh... I don't know. ALEPH: Well then I cannot eat it.
BET: Aleph, I hurt myself. Can you kiss me? ALEPH: *mwah!* EEMA: [keels over in dead faint]
Videochat with me while I'm in Israel: ALEPH: It would have been nicer if you took us with you.
Propping up Bet's elevated track with 4 blocks. BET: No, two! I want two!! EEMA: I think it really needs four. BET: No, twoooooooooooo! EEMA: Okay, then just take 2 out and you'll have 2 left. But it might fall down if you do that. BET: I think it's better if I sit on your lap and think about it for a little while.
ALEPH: Eema, sing a song about Thomas and a cow. EEMA: Uhhhh, I don't know that song. ALEPH: Well, just make it up! EEMA: I don't really know how to make up songs. ALEPH: Eema, let me tell you about making up a song. You just sit down quietly, and *think* about it, and then... you sing it.
ALEPH: [punches numbers on calculator, then holds it out]: I love you this much, Eema.
ALEPH: Eema, when I'm a grownup I still might not want to put my pants on by myself. EEMA: [snarfle] Really? Huh. So who's going to do that for you? ALEPH: Well, I think you might find me a nice girl to marry. EEMA: You don't think you want to do that part yourself, either? ALEPH: No.
ALEPH [in robot pajamas]: My name is John. And I am a They Might Be Giant.
ALEPH: Knock knock. EEMA: Who's there? ALEPH: Aleph. EEMA: Aleph who? ALEPH: Aren't you glad I didn't say Bet?
ALEPH: My mouth feels itchy. EEMA: It does? Did it start before you ate the strawberries, or after? ALEPH: I just love that itching medicine so much. I want to know when I can have some more.
BET: Eema...you really wear me out. EEMA: (whoops with laughter) (recovers) Who says that, Bet? BET: Olivia's mother.
overheard [in robot voices]: ALEPH: you.cannot.be.the.boss.of.me BET: but.i.have.to.be.the.boss.of.someone
ALEPH: Abba, you never let me do ANYTHING I WANT with Eema in the middle of the night!
BET: Eema, don't look at what I'm doing. [carefully pours water into the salt shaker]
Happy birthday, funny boys. I love you.