Anonymous, there are several things I could say in response, and I'm going to try to stick with the less emotional ones.
Easy answers:
Sunflower seed butter (from a nut-free facility) is a near match for peanut butter in taste, and actually better for you in nutrition. Try it. It might set your mind at ease to know there's a decent substitute.
There are two other meals a day when you can serve nuts (or any other foods not allowed at school.) There's absolutely no reason nuts can't be a part of your daughter's diet.
It's not impossible, but not likely that your daughter will find herself in a classroom with all those foods banned. Probably one, or at most two. Plenty of kids with a milk or egg allergy can safely be around other people eating those foods. In fact, before Aleph's second reaction to peanuts, HE was fine around other people eating them. And most food allergies besides nuts are outgrown by age 5.
Also, it's a little premature to be worrying about depriving your daughter of any of these foods. If she's under 1 year old and you've been following AAP guidelines, you don't actually know she can safely eat these foods herself.
Though I hope she can.
Harder answers:
Yes, it sucks for everyone else. We know it sucks for everyone else. Believe me, we wouldn't do it if we had a better answer.
At the same time, looking at this from the point of view of "doesn't this suck for the kids who are not allergic" strikes me as a little...off-target. I mean, what really sucks, if you ask me? Is that deadly food allergies are rising fast and no one knows why and there's no cure. Yes, it also sucks that the only way we can protect the vulnerable kids is by giving the healthy kids a less-than-ideal lunch, but...
Let me put it another way. It's an extreme analogy, but bear with me. To me this seems a little like protesting the ban on teachers hugging students as a safeguard against sexual abuse at school. Would anyone say "well, I have nothing but sympathy for those victimized kids, but my child isn't going to be a victim, so why should we have to suffer...?" Is this sad for all the teachers who are good people, and all the students who would love a hug? Of course. OF COURSE it's sad. But it's a LOT more sad that sexual abuse is such a widespread problem...and that this is all they could come up with to prevent it.
I guess what I'm saying is, if peanut bans bother you on a societal level? Help us look for a societal answer.
I don't know if they do, though. If all you want is a peanut-friendly school, I hope you find one. For all I know, by the time your daughter is old enough for school there will be so many allergic kids, they can have two sets of schools.
Hardest answer:
Try not to look only at what your daughter stands to lose by going to school with severely allergic - or in any other way disabled - kids, but at what she stands to gain. Lose: the healthiest possible lunch. Gain: awareness; compassion; and most of all, the chance to make a friend. A friend like Caramama's daughter, or my son.
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13 comments:
Well said. I don't know what it's like to deal with such issues and I really appreciate that you write about it. I'm sorry you have to deal with it.
My girls' camp this summer (our family's first organized program experience) was nut, egg, soy and sesame free. Through the summer, I felt a little stifled packing those lunches. A little sorry for myself and my kids, honestly.
And then I would drop the girls off, and see the child who was the object of these protections. He was invariably wheezy and covered with eczema. And I felt like a big jerk for dwelling on how this was impacting MY family for 6 weeks.
You are so right that our focus should be a societal response, not kvetching about the impact of severe allergies. You seem to have a lot of passion about this issue, and I bless you that it gives you strength to advocate for your child and for everyone affected by this epidemic.
Very well said.
I would also like to add that I am able to provide very healthy, well-rounded lunches for my child. And our current preschool which is nut-free and does not allow parents to bring in outside food? They also serve very healthy, well-rounded lunches. You don't have to have nuts or even milk to have a healthy meal. In fact, peanutbutter is pretty fattening, and PBJs are simply not that healthy in fat and sugar content.
Perhaps Anonymous should be looking for daycares/preschools that either provide healthy lunches or allow her send in healthy lunches, even if it's ones that don't contain nuts, instead of simply looking for a "peanut-friendly" school. There are many daycares/preschools out there, even if more and more are becoming nut-free to ensure the safety of a rising number of children.
And another societal answer is to get on the committee or volunteer to help plan healthy school lunches (like Moxie of Ask Moxie is doing).
Peanut-butter is a marginal food product where I live. My knee-jerk response is therefore, no big deal giving THAT up.
If it were severe allergy to chocolate, that would be a sacrifice, sort of.
Just reminds me how culturally defined food is.
I have noticed that discussing this from the point of view I have over the last few days is unpopular and hard for some to understand. I have had this discussion with other parents of children without severe allergies and we feel like we are "not allowed" to express anything other than 100% support for so much regulation. If I have a party often 1 parent is all over me about changing things in my home, or saying the right things in front of their child about food and I feel like it should be the child's parents responsibility to provide safe food alternatives and watch their child closely. I have a party to run and many guests to make happy and I am spending much more of my time making a single parent happy. Also, I agree pbj is not particularly healthy but I eat a variety of nuts almost daily so not sending that with my daughter is a little weird for me. Not the end of the world, just sucks.If its ok of parents to vent about dealing with their child's allergy, why is it not ok to vent about dealing with other childrens allergies.
Anonymous - its nor okay for you to vent about it herr because this is not your space. This is PERSEPHONE'S space. She can vent here - it is her home. I am sure persephone would be happy to engage in conversation with you on this (or any) topic - in fact, she has tried to respond politely and thoroughly - but as for venting...if that is what you want, then go make a blog of your own. I hope that the people who read and comment there are as respectful as I, at least, expect people to be here.
@ Anonymous,
I don't know. I take the opposite tack. I make very small bday parties (or host dinners) and want to make sure that every guest can participate. Which isn't to say that I go out of my way to accommodate fussy tastes (if you don't like tomatoes, don't eat them), but I always ask if there are allergies--that is a whole different category. If my daughter has six friends over for her birthday and one of them can't eat a cake that's made with butter? I change my recipe plan. If someone's coming to my house who is allergic to nuts or mustard or fish I want to know; I want them to feel comfortable here.
Also, peanut allergy, from what I know, is a whole different animal from many other food allergies, which only affect people once ingested. But peanut "dust" or whatever IN THE AIR can make people deathly ill. Watching your child closely = not coming to the birthday party AT ALL because it's NOT about what goes in his/her mouth, but what is in the air/smeared on the banister/dropped on the carpet.
Seriously--I would be terrified to have a peanut-allergic kid and live in Israel (where I do) because the most popular kids' snack (at EVERY bday party; at the park; on hikes; even at school functions, etc) is peanut based. Persephone is afraid to bring her son here. (Rightly.) That makes me sad.
Persephone, i hope all these measures come into play, it sounds like such hard work, keeping him safe.
I did ask this before but haven't seen your reply - what do you think of the new trial that is working on eliminating the allergic reacion to peanuts?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2010/feb/21/peanut-allergy-clinical-trial
Erica Bjerica! OMG! I haven't heard from you in years, how are you?? Are you online anywhere that I can catch up?
Chaya, thank you for that blessing!
Caramama, sending you support, as well.
Lut C, the weird thing is the allergies are regionally defined too - peanut allergy is not a big deal in Israel, but sesame allergy is! Not clear yet whether these are cultural differences or geographical ones.
Shanna, THANK you.
Anonymous, I didn't realize you were here to vent. I haven't spelled out my philosophy on venting since my infertile blogging days, so I'll assume you don't know how I feel about it.
Parent complaining about how hard it is to raise kids? Totally legitimate. Parent complaining about how hard it is to raise kids...to an infertile person?? Insensitive. Hurtful. Not okay in my book.
Vent as much as you want or need to; you have as much right as anyone else. But think about whom you're venting TO. And try not to pick someone who would kill to trade problems with you.
That's all I have to say about that.
One Tired Ema, my experience has been a lot more like yours, thank Gd. When we get invited anywhere, I spend all my time saying "please don't worry about Aleph, I'll bring separate food for him, we'll just clean everyone's hands." And my friends spend all their time saying "no no, please tell me how to make something safe for him, we want him to feel welcome." I guess they think he's - we're - worth it.
I don't ever take that for granted.
Hi Thalia! Sorry I never responded. I think the new "tolerizing" trials are...hopeful? Aleph is too young to be eligible yet, and I think his blood test results might have to go down too. The kids I've read about are on very strict protocols, they have to ingest exactly this much peanut protein and no more, so I don't know when/if their parents can completely relax about accidental ingestion. And of course so far there's no data on whether it lasts longterm.
So...honestly? I try not to think about it. :) We're too far away from knowing if it will help Aleph. I do hope by the time he's older, it will be more of an option.
P, thanks so much for sharing your perspective and also for sharing that article on the rise in food allergies.
As I am not a parent, it's not an issue that I have to live and breathe as many parents do, but even just as an observer, serious food allergies certainly seem so much more prevalent than it was when we were in school or even just 15 years ago when I was a nanny.
It's fair for a parent who is indirectly impacted by food allergies to feel put out or irritated, but unless I'm missing something (probable!) let's be real: this is, horrifically, a life or death issue.
pb&j is terribly unhealthy. If I'm told that it might *KILL* a child in my child's class, then we'll keep it for home. Thanks.
Good alternatives for sandwiches: cheese (cream cheese, feta, or yellow cheese), omelet, hummus and veggies, luncheon meat (if you were going to send peanut butter, don't even bother to complain about how unhealthy this is) or sliced chicken/turkey. Avocado. If you get creative, you can probably think of several more.
To keep the sandwiches from spoiling, make them the night before and freeze. They'll thaw in time for lunch. (if it's very hot out, put them in an insulated bag)
So I should be *happy* that my kids are picky enough eaters that the restrictions at Chaya's kids' camp wouldn't impact the lunches we'd send? (They eat eggs at home, but not for school lunch, go figure.) And none of them would *touch* pb for all that they all eat other derivative product snacks. . . as long as wheat isn't banned, they'll eat.
Silver lining to everything, I guess.
And persephone - thanks for the lists of OK/not OK; my (adult) anaphylactic peanut allergy friend was thrilled with it.
Not to be "doom-n-gloom", but the rise in allergies, diabetes, etc. is just scary all over. People live longer, but they're getting sicker earlier? We need some big solutions to a lot of things.
And one more thing - picky is SO not in the same universe as allergic:
Your kid doesn't [like to] eat XYZ that I'm serving? Sorry.
Your kid is allergic to XYZ [even touch and/or airborne]? Tell me what I can substitute.
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