Sunday, May 31, 2009

run for your lives!

My mother always loved when one of her kids turned 3, because when anyone asked how old we were, we always said "I'm FREE!"

My kids go one better. "Hey Bet and Aleph, how old are you today?"


And now, because I love you so much (and for a limited time only) I bring you a blast from Year One, or as Aleph and Bet like to call it, "Laughing Babies." Note: that's Mary Poppins talking, not me. My line doesn't come up till the middle of this video:

"Best. movie. ever."

[sorry. all gone!]

Sunday, May 24, 2009

the cliffs of insanity

Tell me it's normal to veer between joy and despair when parenting the almost-threes.

Their developmental leaps are so amazing: suddenly they can catch a ball from several feet away, fix each other's train tracks, or sing a spontaneous (and on-key) duet of ma nishtana. And yet every time I turned around for the last two days somebody was hitting, somebody was crying, and somebody was yelling NONONO IWILLNEVER NOTATALL.

Yes, I know that's three kids. It seemed like it too. Oh, also somebody was caught with the pump of the liquid soap in his mouth, and somebody else was caught climbing a bookcase. I'm feeling the urgent need for a disciplinary tool other than time-outs, because by the 4th one today, I could swear I heard thumb-twiddling rather than crying.

In between the madness, they managed to come out with the following:


BET: [waving animal figures in the air while I change him] Lion and tiger ate you up!

EEMA: They ate me all up?

BET: They ate all of your parts!

EEMA: Oh my goodness.

BET: Your face and body crumbs fell out of their mouth!


EEMA: [helpless with laughter]


ALEPH: [referring to the doll we saw on top of an air conditioner last week] Why isn't the doll outside anymore?

EEMA: They probably took it inside. I mean, that would be a silly place to keep a doll, right? Dolls can't live outside.

ALEPH: Why not?

EEMA: Well, what if it rained?

ALEPH: I would change her clothes.

EEMA: What if the wind blew her away?

ALEPH: I would catch her.

EEMA: What if it snowed right on top of her?

ALEPH: I would warm her up in the microwave.

EEMA: [barely hanging onto straight face] Um. Well, what if she fell off? That air conditioner is pretty high up.

ALEPH: I would give her a kiss!

Good night boys, good work, sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.

Friday, May 22, 2009

calvin, meet hobbes. hobbes, calvin.

ALEPH: Bet, is there any trouble on your tracks?

BET: Nope.

ALEPH: [hopeful grin] Are you going to MAKE any trouble?

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

random things i felt you should know:

Hello, my name is Persephone, and I would dearly love to own a frying pan which does not tilt down to one side, such that half the pan gets overdone while the other half is still raw.

Also, a way to fry 3 batches of anything containing raw eggs, such that I do not end up washing my hands 15 times. Thank you.

When putting a stuffed animal to sleep in the cradle, the stuffed animal will then need a still smaller animal to sleep with. DUH, Eema.

A kosher bandana makes what must be the cutest toddler headcovering you've ever seen. Especially when it's rainbow tiedye. My boys wore them to preschool this week. At their request.

Come to think of it, they're also extremely fond of their rainbow tiedye rainboots. I once came home and found them working with playdough while Mary Poppins prepped dinner. Aleph was dressed in his very best pajamas... and boots. Bet was wearing his plushest striped bathrobe, a diaper... and boots. The effect somehow escaped toddler pimp.

Despite the name, you should not in fact eat a kosher bandana. 'Kosher' in this case is a shameless marketing gimmick, being apparently a euphemism for 'with elastic', aka, a bandana for dummies. Aka, the first one Persephone has ever been able to wear without (a) looking like a babushka (b) it slipping off my head whenever I'm not busy wanting to tear it off.

The rainbow one, though, looks much better on the kids than on me.

Bet is starting to seriously remind me of Calvin. He's taken to pulling one segment of train track out of alignment, then saying "Uh ohhhhhhh! Some trouble up aheaaaad!" while he chugs Thomas toward disaster.

Aleph has required me to fashion a strap for his mini guitar. He needed it so he could march while playing, then let go of the guitar to clap and spin around. Laurie Berkner style.

That is all.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

irony: a play in two parts

Scene: Bet is lying down while I change him. He presses one eyelid half closed with his thumb, then the other, and looks through them at me. I've never seen him do this before.

EEMA: What are you doing?

BET: [with a tiny smile] Now there's two of you.

EEMA: [Ha! You wish.]

EEMA: [Or wait. Is that I wish?]


Scene: Aleph has put two stuffed animals in an upturned hat and is sitting on the couch, cradling the hat on his lap.

ALEPH: [happily] I'm holding my babies.

[one minute later]

ALEPH: I got tired of holding my babies. You hold them.

EEMA: [Heh. Tell me about it.]

EEMA: Why don't you just put them down?

ALEPH: Nooooooooooooooo, YOU have to hold them.

EEMA: [Wait. Something about this seems... strangely familiar.]

Sunday, May 10, 2009

hahahahaha psych.

Scene: Bet is not thrilled with his old doggie pajamas, seeing as how Aleph has brand new lion ones.

EEMA: Hey Bet, do you know what it says on your shirt? 'My best buddy.'

BET: [starting to smile] Yeah.

EEMA: Is the doggie your best buddy?

BET: No.

EEMA: Who's your best buddy?

BET: [matter-of-factly] Aleph.

EEMA: [omg. they like each other! they really like each other!]

ALEPH: [in background] I am NOT his buddy at ALL!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

breakfast with prince charming

ALEPH: Eema, I want another waffle.

EEMA: I think you had enough waffle. It's time to eat something else. How about... blueberry yogurt?


EEMA: Toast? Cheerios?


EEMA: Ooh, I know. [winning smile] Milk?

ALEPH: [winning smile PLUS raised eyebrows] Um, um, chocolate milk did you say?

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

criblog: anyone? anyone? bueller?

Scene: Sometime after 7 AM.

ALEPH: Bet, are you interested in waking up right now?