Tuesday, March 31, 2009

noted, your majesty

Scene: Bet wakes up crying from his nap. Snuggles on my shoulder, rubbing snot all over me in the process. When he pulls away he notices puzzling wet spots on my shirt.

BET: This doesn't look too good. [swiping ineffectually] Eema, clean it.


Scene: College pizza joint. Rock has been blaring nonstop since we arrived. Bet is oblivious to everything but his mac & cheese... until White Wedding comes on.

BET: I don't like this one.

[White Wedding shifts tempo.]

BET: I don't like this one, either.


Scene: Last two times I served tortellini / ravioli.

BET: This is goooood.

BET: [finishes first bowl] I want more.

BET: [finishes second bowl] I want more.

EEMA: There is no more, honey. We ate it all up.

BET: [scolding] Next time, Eema, make sure to buy more!


Scene: Any time I talk to another grownup.

BET: Don't talk, Eema! Don'ttalk don'ttalk don'ttalk!

EEMA: You can't tell me not to talk, honey.

BET: Talk to ME!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

send. help.

Things you don't want to hear behind your back, part 2:

"I peed in the refrigerator!"

Thursday, March 19, 2009

a poem in the afternoon

The boys are jumping on our bed, their (and my) favorite way of shaking off the post-nap cranky. Luckily one of the beds is king-size, so it's a plenty large enough trampoline for two small boys. (Un?)luckily it's also ready to be thrown out, so a little more abuse makes no difference.

The walls of our bedroom are painted a deep, almost french blue. The bed linens are various shades of violet. The boys in their brightly colored tees and leggings make me want to film them, flying up in the air in technicolor and floating back down.

Aleph is jumping with his arms over his head. Suddenly he stretches as high as he can and says, "I can reach the sun!"

He stops jumping and comes over to me, looking at his hands. "I'm holding the sun!" He brings his cupped hands up to my face.

"Where are you putting it? On my cheeks?" I ask, charmed.

He brings them up higher and smiles a tiny smile. "In your eyes," he says, and spills them out.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

remedial twin parenting

Next on the list of basic things that terrified me, but most twin moms probably mastered years ago: I took the kids out for pizza tonight. Just me. By myself. We all seem to have survived, unless letting Bet eat a bowl of macaroni & cheese larger than his head ends up killing him. The boys were pretty near angelic. Even the cashier guy, a single twentysomething I would have thought immune, told me they were cute kids after this exchange:

PERSEPHONE: [scanning menu at register] OK, we need one mac & cheese.

BET: [earnestly to cashier] We need some pasta!


BET: We NEED some pasta!

PERSEPHONE: Make that two mac & cheeses.

ALEPH: [equally earnestly to cashier] And we ALSO need some pizza!

I bet they could have just ordered for themselves if I'd let them.

So we got through the walking there, the waiiiiiiiting for our order, the not shouting or running away or tipping over your chair. They played hand games and asked for stories until the food came, and then it was just munch munch munch munch. They walked back in an overtired/carb-loaded daze, and I tried to pretend people we passed on the sidewalk weren't glaring at me for keeping my kids out so late. And then we were finally home, and it was way past bedtime, and I had them thisclose to pajamas and they said...

ALEPH AND BET: I'm still hungry!

Of course.

Monday, March 9, 2009

snapshot: a year ago january

We're at the grandparents'. The boys are still nursing but crazy about their solid food, too. I don't want them to see and beg for the fresh strawberries I'm slicing into my bowl of cereal, so I'm doing it up on the high counter.

I think the boys are busy on the other side of the kitchen but when I turn around, they're clustered around my ankles. Two round faces stare up at me bigeyed, like Toy Story aliens at The Claw.

One of them says, solemnly, "sawbabas."

Friday, March 6, 2009

oedipus bet

It's going to be kind of sad / frightening when Bet decides to turn his loverboy powers on someone other than me.


Scene: at the dinner table.

BET: Eema, I want your hand.

EEMA: I can't hold your hand while we're eating, Bet. But I love you.

BET: [munches for a while. then looks at me from under his lashes]

BET: Wanna... hug me?


Scene: out of nowhere. There's almost no sound, but I suddenly realize Bet is whispering.

BET: Eeeeeemaaaaaa. Eeeeeemaaaaaa.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

i'm sorry, HAL

Scene: I'm trying to send an uncharacteristically important email while Aleph is leaning on my arm / crying in my ear for a video. As usual, it's not clear whether he's upset because I'm not giving him what he wants, or because I'm engaged with the computer anything instead of him. Also as usual, I am losing it just slightly.

EEMA: Aleph, I'm going to let you watch a video in one minute, but I need to finish this first! You just need to let me focus for one minute so I can finish this!

ALEPH: [wailing] I caaaaaan't let you dooooooo that!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

criblog: you are sooo immature

BET: [kicking the side of his crib]

ALEPH: Bet, please don't do that.

BET: I want to.

ALEPH: But I don't like it.

BET: I want to.

ALEPH: All right, you can do it for two more minutes, but then I need you to stop.

BET: [stops kicking for a while]

BET: [starts kicking again]

ALEPH: Bet, Bet, Bet. I said no SO many times.